Yeah same. It gets weird. I’m quite good and it’s been years but you get weird reminders and feelings over bizarre things. Nothing that makes me sad just… Odd feelings? I can’t describe it tbh.

…Actually scratch that, I do occassionally get angry and it’s because I blame the covid response for failure to extend his life somewhat more and the lack of oxygen the ambulance team had due to shortages. I also get viscerally angry about how much of his life was spent on being exploited for him to go out like that. I wasn’t even close to him but I feel rage on his behalf in part because while he was terminal I know he was angry at the world too because he occasionally talked about just taking some people he disliked with him. I don’t think he was ever going to be the man that would act on that, but I know how angry he was at the world underneath and unlike his analysis of the world I know who the real fucking blame for that is.

This was written mostly train of thought.