Trump’s lawyer meets with a bunch of Dimon’s lawyers…
“Look, we got you. We got you. Here’s the deal. You wanna make this go away? You give my client 500 million that’s million with just an ‘m’ plus you finance a small project - very, very small project - my client wants. 500 million is what you spend before lunch every day at least.”
“What ‘very, very small project’?”
“Melania’s movie Melania was 40 mil and this is the president so it’s a real bargain for you at only 50 mil.”
“On what?”
“My client’s movie President. Just President. No ‘the’. Trump is bigger - so much bigger - very, very large - than ‘the’. And it’s gotta have a bigger, better font.”
“Bigger, better font?”
“Ask your designer guys. Bigger, better, thicker too.”
“In gold.” Somebody snickers.
The lawyer glares at the snickerer. “Not gold - you fuck. Black will do. But I’m gonna tell Trump and then if he wants - you’ll get pulled out your bed in the middle of the night, bones broken, and taken to The Pit and they’ll remove the gold from your teeth. Any other jokes? Anybody? I got other things to do today. Write it up so I can get it to my client.”
“…You mean right now?”
“Right now - you idiots. How many of you guys wanna go to The Pit? And turn that monitor on to Fox News so I got something to do while you fuckos finish. Oh, meeting adjourned. Right?”
They silently start leaving the room. Trump’s lawyer ostentatiously takes out a JPMorgan business card and starts using it like dental floss. “You, Gold Fillings. Yeah - you. Get over here and serve as my ottoman. Now fucker now! Chop-chop!” Gold Fillings starts taking off his suit jacket. "No! Leave that on! Get over here now!’
Honestly, I’m surpised he’s not suing for more because I’m pretty sure they’ll bend over backwards to give him anything he wants
Trump’s lawyer meets with a bunch of Dimon’s lawyers…
“Look, we got you. We got you. Here’s the deal. You wanna make this go away? You give my client 500 million that’s million with just an ‘m’ plus you finance a small project - very, very small project - my client wants. 500 million is what you spend before lunch every day at least.”
“What ‘very, very small project’?”
“Melania’s movie Melania was 40 mil and this is the president so it’s a real bargain for you at only 50 mil.”
“On what?”
“My client’s movie President. Just President. No ‘the’. Trump is bigger - so much bigger - very, very large - than ‘the’. And it’s gotta have a bigger, better font.”
“Bigger, better font?”
“Ask your designer guys. Bigger, better, thicker too.”
“In gold.” Somebody snickers.
The lawyer glares at the snickerer. “Not gold - you fuck. Black will do. But I’m gonna tell Trump and then if he wants - you’ll get pulled out your bed in the middle of the night, bones broken, and taken to The Pit and they’ll remove the gold from your teeth. Any other jokes? Anybody? I got other things to do today. Write it up so I can get it to my client.”
“…You mean right now?”
“Right now - you idiots. How many of you guys wanna go to The Pit? And turn that monitor on to Fox News so I got something to do while you fuckos finish. Oh, meeting adjourned. Right?”
They silently start leaving the room. Trump’s lawyer ostentatiously takes out a JPMorgan business card and starts using it like dental floss. “You, Gold Fillings. Yeah - you. Get over here and serve as my ottoman. Now fucker now! Chop-chop!” Gold Fillings starts taking off his suit jacket. "No! Leave that on! Get over here now!’