To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.
Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”
It is horrible how some people treat others, but it is not my responsibility or prerogative to police others actions. There’s nothing wrong with being single, and not dating is a personal choice which I would never criticize, but blaming 50% of the population for the actions of a minority is the definition of bigotry.
It breaks my heart that things are becoming more hostile and hateful. I hope I live to see the pendulum swing the other way.
This seems to be a pretty narrow view point. They’re not asking you to police other actions, but rather voice your disapproval when you see it. Nobody can control the actions of others, but it is also undeniable that men are more likely to listen to other men. To see something, and sit idly by, is comparable to supporting the action. If you do not at minimum vocalize your discontent, then you are fine with it being done around you.
Your current suggestion is that a minority of men harass 50% of the population with no societal repercussions? When that 50% that’s being harassed is like “Hey, we need help from the other 49% to bring about a societal change” your first response is to call them a bigot? In order to substantially change the harassment being done, everyone needs to step up.
That is not my suggestion at all. When I can help, I do. When I can say something, I do. Still, we should not overgeneralize. Everybody is an individual and should be treated as such.
But at that point, why get caught up in the semantics of the statement? Why not just simply address the concern they are raising? They aren’t being literal, they don’t mean “every single man” and getting defensive when they aren’t talking about you won’t help.
It’s like she hasn’t ever considered that there are men that don’t even know it’s happening.
But sure, yeah - I’m totally patting wannabe rapists on the back. I won’t be reading misandry as a response to misogyny.
As I read this, she just tries to tell people, both men and women, about her experience. It’s not an uncommon experience either unfortunately. Isn’t that how men will get to ”know it’s happening”?
I know the initial reaction of feeling a bit hurt when someone makes broad statements about men, I’ve been there. But the more posts like hers I read, the more I understand the problem.
There’s 9 billion people and 80% of them are on the internet. Anything you want to imagine is happening in large numbers on the internet, and if you search hard enough you’ll find it.
Confirmation bias is indeed a problem, but that’s all this problem is. Don’t go looking for rape roleplay if you don’t want that.
Have you talked to women about their experiences? I challenge you to find a single woman that has not been sexually harassed by a man.
That’s nice and all, but given most men don’t sexually assault people it’s a little like treating all women as cheaters because you got cheated on, or all black people as thieves because you had an unfortunate encounter.
Sexism is sexism regardless of how you frame it.
The difference here is the frequency with all of these things. It’s easy to find a man that hasn’t been cheated on by a woman. It’s easy to find someone that hasn’t been robbed (by anyone, let alone by a black man or woman). I am not joking that I don’t think I could find a woman that hasn’t, at minimum, been sexually harassed by a man, if not assaulted.
You say “if you search hard enough you’ll find it” except one doesn’t have to search for this issue. It’s simply everywhere. Men sexually harassing women is literally everywhere. You are dismissing their evidence by suggesting “of course you can find that somewhere” suggesting the evidence they gave was too specific. But yet most porn sites are FILLED with problematic content and ads, each more specific than the next. So it’s not just about this specific “rape roleplay” scenario, it’s about all of the countless scenarios widespread across the internet.
Recognizing a systematic issue is not sexism. Trying to minimize its prevalence by saying “not all men” is problematic. And not something I would expect with the username of “superniceperson”
Again, if we’re going to include any single type of incident over the life of a person, and then start to discriminate on the common perpetrator, you end up with bigotry regardless of that incident Or intent.
Its not ‘not all men’ it’s ‘not even a third of men.’ more black people as a percentage of total black people have assaulted someone than the percentage of men that have sexually assaulted someone, so we should look into profiling black people for violence and work to correct the systemic issues that causes black people to be violent, right?
There’s a right way to go about solving the problems you’re discussing, and they are very real problems, but becoming a pathetic bigot is not the way to go.
Victimization does not give you the right of discrimination based on immutable characteristics, and you are objectively a bad person if you think otherwise. There aren’t any valid exceptions to this, and accepting this behavior leads to absolute pieces of shit like jk Rowling.
Your biggest problem is you are reading “not all men” as a literal. Not everything has to be taken literally. Language absolutely can work that way, and very often does. When a woman talks about the countless men that have harassed her, and she says “men disgust me” and your response to that is “not all men disgust you, right” then you have completely missed the point. She is conveying the hurt that has fell upon her by many men, and that is the part that should be addressed. Not the technicalities of who she is talking about exactly. And it is absolutely incorrect if your response to that was to call her a bigot or an objectively bad person.
Comparing the black race to sexist men is also a terrible comparison. Black people have historically been oppressed. There is countless literature on just the problems black men and women have faced in the last 50 years. The systematic issues with race are an entirely different beast, and not at all comparable to the issue with men.
Men have historically been the oppressors. There is no systematic oppression they’re battling. They are the ones with the majority of the power. They are simply continuing to abuse those they either have power over, or feel they have power over.
So again, don’t get hyperfixated on this “not all men” because even when people make a generalized statement, they are not talking about LITERALLY ALL MEN, they are talking about a problem they’ve experienced enough from one common group that they are able to widely complain about it. If you went day after day of constant cat calling, womanizing, discrimination, dick picks, mansplaining, and god knows what else women have to deal with, you might be saying things like that too. I don’t know if it’s a man thing, or if some people that take these things super literally have diagnosed or undiagnosed autism, or what ever else, but they (myself included at one point) seem to not be able to understand the fact that generalized statements aren’t talking about everyone but a common issue they have.
I get it, you want them to say “Some men” or might even be fine with them saying “most men” but that isn’t going to happen when someone is fed up with the treatment they’ve faced from men. They’re fed up with the treatment they’ve faced their entire lives, and they’re saying something about it. That is not bigotry. Period.
I’m not excusing the behavior, nor do I do this. I am saying it’s not nearly as ubiquitous as the author tries to make it seem. She’s biased because it happened to her, and of course she would be. But, don’t look at her claims as some sort of careful study.
It’s not all men, it’s not anywhere close to a majority. “There are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites…” still doesn’t constitute a huge percentage of men. And, I’m sure only a small percentage of those are sharing original pictures. She has way overstated the problem.
Sorry bro she did a study, not one single man out of billions is calling out this creepy shit. Really it’s quite amazing, this is the first time we’ve all 100% agreed on anything.
“I went to places where people congregate for this kind of thing and was surprised there weren’t people calling it out”
Well DUH. The normal people see that shit and don’t bother to register an account on the forum to post. And if they do, the mods removed it. How is that surprising at all? There are numerous instances on Lemmy that have the same behaviour(albeit for normal hobbies). Are you really surprised that in the Conservative instances it’s not wall to wall “you guys suck”?
This is just confirmation bias. You found what you were looking for while actively searching it out.
Sending unwarranted dick picks should get you a sizeable fine, maybe 600 bucks and a 2 year registry in a sex offender list.
Give you a choice to stop fucking up and if you escalate and keep doing it then things get worse for oyu.
Why an expiry? It’s the digital equivalent of flashing someone. In australia that gets you a six month sentence, a $1,100 fine, or both.
It would limit watering down the register with ‘minor’ offenses. It would also help avoid trapping an idiot teen in a negative spiral, due to a stupid drunken mistake 10 years previously.
If a teen made a “studpid drunken mistake” flashing someone in the street and copped the same, would you feel they had been unfairly penalised?
Meh, yet more online rage clickbait vilifying men.
nice of you for labeling yourself like that but you misspelled incel.
Evidently, you’ve resorted to the classic second-grade retort of ‘Nuh-uh, you are.’ A timeless defense, to be sure, but ultimately as ineffective and impotent as you are.
I’ve got proof that you’re an incel or at the very least a child that didn’t receive enough love from their parents.
https://lemmy.world/comment/16783208
Tough lesson to learn especially in the early 00s when we were just entering the digital age and all of this tech was brand new.
victim blaming and shaming. refuse to allow the perpetrators take responsibility because you feel personally attacked.
But don’t share nudes of yourself. Boobs, penis etc. it’s pretty fucking simple. Or you may get attention from people you don’t want.
victim blaming again. this is such an incel move it’s almost like your penis has crawled up inside your body so it doesn’t have to look at you anymore.
Not all men are dirt bags or perverts because she let nudes of herself get out in the public domain and regrets the attention she got from it.
still victim blaming. Jesus Christ, do you not ever want to be touched by a person again?
to go through your life as you do and not trust a single individual enough to share your most intimate moments with, how sad of an existence. to never feel the love or trust that someone puts in you to keep their most intimate secrets.
I’m not even mad, I’m legitimately sad for you that you will never know the amazing feelings of a loving trust between two people like what she thought she had. her trust was betrayed by someone like you, and that’s just disturbing that someone as strong as her could be broken by someone as weak as you.
sort your life out and get your shit straight. life is too short to be a sad little lonely boy all your life.
Let’s not confuse accountability with victim blaming. If she was forced or tricked into sharing her nudes, that’s a different story altogether.
But if she willingly hit that ‘send’ button, then we need to talk about personal responsibility. It’s tough, but she does share some culpability. Let’s not sugarcoat it: she made a choice, and now she’s dealing with the consequences. It’s not about blaming the victim; it’s about owning our actions.
By the way your prior post is the very definition of a Simping.
you don’t get it because you lack the life experience of having love and trust in your life.
just stop man. you’re fucking bumming me out with how sad your life must be.
